Wetin concern you with someone else’s preferences?

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Relationship preferences

So I was on the wall of a Facebook friend of mine and she made a post where she stated that she could not date men that are younger than her. Perfectly awesome until someone on the thread who started getting emotional about her post. Saying that he was angry and what not and it got me thinking:

Why do we get all up in our feelings when someone states their relationship preferences?

A lady says she cannot date a man who makes less than she does and people start calling her names her mum didn’t give her and declaring her a flawed human who should not have been born. So she is not entitled to her choice?

A man says he cannot date or marry a lady who is a virgin as he is not ready to teach and wants all sorts of rambunctious kurukere from day one and people slide into his comments and inbox calling him all sorts of names and doing their most to ridicule him. Is it not his choice?

Look, every single person has their own personal specs and whether or not we resonate with their preferences, they are entitled to them.

It is their choice. Their preferences. Their specs. Their thing.

So wetin concern you?

I remember a lady friend of mine who went to same MBA school I did. Back then she told me that she could not date or marry someone who was younger than her because in her words “I need to respect him”. Now while I believed that when we date a person, we date not his/her age but rather his/her character, I allowed her to have her views and didn’t resort to berating her by calling her choice “foolish” and saying “she will stay long in her father’s house” (as if). A few years later she met a fellow who met her preferences wholly. A mature loving, successful and older guy and the two are married today and very very very happy

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She knew what she wanted and she went for it.

So I ask again “Wetin concern you?”

We getting all upset about someone else’s relationship preferences, points to some insecurity issues we have. It probably shows that we base our sense of worth and peace on being accepted by others but hey newsflash, we will NOT always be accepted or approved of by others. In fact I can say on good authority that we are ALL in for hefty doses of rejection and ‘NO’S” in our lives and you know what?

That’s not a bad thing. AT ALL

We will not meet everyone’s relationship preferences. People will say “NO” and “I dont want” to us for various reasons. A number of them being things we have little to no control over. Our height, weight, skin color, tribe and more will be reasons we don’t make the cut and we getting upset about it is just wasting time and energy and changes nothing but our appetite.


That lady says she does not date Nigerian men for reasons. While there are tons of awesome living and breathing Naija men, it is her choice. Let her have it. Waka pass

That guy says he cannot date or marry a woman who cannot cook for reasons. While we see a wife as being more than just her cookery skills, it is his choice. Let him have it. Waka pass

That lady says she cannot date men shorter than her because of reasons. Nna it is her choice, let her have it. Waka pass

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That man says he can only date or marry light skinned women. While there is no link between colour of skin and quality of person, it is his choice. Let him have it.

That woman says she cannot date men who loves ewa agonyin. Thunda faya her but mmmm… it is her choice.

In simple speak, let everyone breathe and kindly stop regulating their air supply


p.s. My e-book of 101 quotes and sayings (From Me to You: Timeless Wisdom for your Life’s Journey) is still available on Okadabooks for 500 naira so if you are like a quick does of sense and something to make you feel better, then please pick it up.


More than a passing resemblance to Eddie Murphy (we think maybe it's the moustache). No to football; yes to anime and all things cartoon. Oh, and yes to words.

1 Comment

  1. Toluleke Adegboro

    17th May 2017 at 3:14 PM

    It’s called shobolation

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